These funny Cv comments came into my email box the other day from a list originally published in the US Furtune Magazine in the late 90’s. 10 years on it’s still funny. My favourite is
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
“I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
“My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
2 responses so far ↓
PJ // September 21, 2008 at 1:22 pm |
i just enjoyed another dreary day in office when i stumbled on this. you made my day
Barbara57 // October 22, 2009 at 11:16 am |
My mother said when she started nursing in the 40s she took care of patients, and when she retired in the 90’s she took care of paperwork. ,